Maybe we would all be better off if we were not on the information highway so much.

I cannot open the door of a public restroom without using a paper towel. 

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy ethanol or purchase from certain companies.

Thanks to Oprah, I take a blanket to sit on in movie theatres.

Thanks to the TV news, I can't pick up a $5 bill dropped in a parking lot because it may have been put there by a sex molester waiting under my car to grab me.

Who wants to shake hands with anyone after they have been driving when you find out the number one pasttime while driving is picking your nose?

Fear grips me when I realize the internet has places to tell anyone how to build a bomb or set up their own meth lab.

Somewhere I heard about poop in the glue on envelopes.

If I answer the phone, someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a bill with calls to Uganda, Singapore or Ukrane.

I am washing the top of every can before opening because who knows where it has been or who has touched it with what?

Shopping at Target is no longer good since they are French and don't support our troops or the Salvation Army.

If you don't pass this along via email to 1400 people in the next hour, a chicken with diarrhea will land on your head.

Have a good day!

MEMBERS COMMENTS VIEWING 1 - 5 OUT OF 5 COMMENTS From: Don_in_Vegas 10/02/2008 15:56:38 If not for the TV News how would I keep up on what O.J. is up to right now??? And, thanks for the tip on setting up my own meth lab... Hey! Is that a chicken falling from the sky???   -Don  From: Deb_Magelssen 10/01/2008 20:24:38 Money is very nasty!  Not to mention all the stuff we have to touch all day long wherever we go!  I love the very last line-  Pass it to 1400....or a chicken....HA! From: Laughlines 09/24/2008 19:04:03 Ummm.....definitely.  hahahaha.  That's the word I was reaching for.  Oh yeah...don't read the following...it's guaranteed to create a retching fest larger than the one celebrated after eating hotdogs on Coney Island. From: Laughlines 09/24/2008 19:01:15 I hate to add to this dismal tally of poo and goo, but every time you handle money...oh my, should I even say this on a public forum (?)...Money is covered with more icky-yuk than your toilet seat.  No telling where it's been before it landed squarely in your greedy little palm!  Take heart though.  Money is NOT AS DIRTY as the contents of a person's mouth.  Did you know that you could make a dog near-death sick if you licked it's wounds?  It prefers it's own (a heck uva lot cleaner) saliva, thank you.  So, next time you decide to kiss, you better string a line of yellow crime tape across your mouth to warn the reciever of this dubious cargo coming their way that they are definitley in harm's way!  From: kkrucoff 09/24/2008 15:07:05 This definitely appeals to my quirky sense of humor....especially the part about a chicken with diarrhea landing on my head.  I'm rolling on that one. Keep sharing these...can't wait til the book is published.