I've painted--and sold--big paintings in the past, but it's been a few years since I worked on anything larger than 16" x 20". This week, partly thanks to gentle hints from my DH, I realized that I need to tackle a big canvas again. The thought was a little daunting.

I write professionally when I'm not painting. So, I'm accustomed to 'writer's block' and the general sinking feeling of a blank page.

That's nothing compared with the panic that I felt yesterday when I brought three large canvases home from the art supply store.

I feel silly about this. I mean, the largest one is 30" x 40"... hardly Mount Rushmore. But, I still woke up in a cold sweat around three this morning, wondering what I was thinking when I decided to take this leap.

'You know... that a blank wall is an appalling thing to look at. The
wall of a museum – a canvas – a piece of film – or a guy sitting in
front of a typewriter. Then, you start out to do something – that vague
thing called creation. The beginning strikes awe within you.' --Edward Steichen

It may be familiar territory, but a large-ish canvas is still a whole lot of white when I look at it. I'll remedy that this morning by underpainting with cadmium red. Of course, that will make it an even more obvious 'elephant in the room' as it glares vivid red at me. But, I also know that underpainting is the first step.  It gets me moving.

'Boldness has genius, power and magic. Engage, and the mind grows heated. Begin, and the work will be completed.' --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

This morning, my art is still a very halting dialogue in my head. Writing this is part of the process; it's sort of my temper tantrum before I step into the studio and just paint. I know that it has to be done. I'm just in that mode that we all face, saying to myself, 'I am such a fraud', while surrounded by art that I love... my own art and art by friends and family.

I know that I can create good, worthy art because--now and then--I've done so in the past. Nevertheless, there's still that little voice of self-doubt that echoes, 'Yes, but can you do it this time?'

'I don't go into the studio with the idea of "saying" something. What I
do is face the blank canvas and put a few arbitrary marks on it that
start me on some sort of dialogue.' --Richard Diebenkorn

By tonight, this won't seem so daunting. I know that. As the sun is peering through my windows, I'm already feeling more determined to start... if not all three canvases, at least one of them.

That said, I'm caught between visions of grand works of art that I want to create, and the chilling conviction that I'm not that good.

There is nothing else to do now but to start the work. Pick up the brush and start painting. Truly, the only way to complete a work of art is to follow Lewis Carroll's advice, 'Begin at the beginning... and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'

MEMBERS COMMENTS VIEWING 1 - 4 OUT OF 4 COMMENTS From: flstormz 02/15/2008 11:32:07 Been there, done that, more times than I would like to remember! You're right, there is something daunting about a large canvas especially if you're used to smaller work. I've worked on 36" by 48" size a number of times and even larger sizes, and it gets easier the more you do them (but I still prefer smaller sizes). Just knowing you have to mix that much more paint and use many more layers just freaks me sometimes. The worst moment for me ever was standing in a bedroom before I began my first mural work and saw all those blank walls - YIKES! From: Gabrielapickett 02/13/2008 15:06:01 To me there is nothing more frightening that the period from when I sign a piece and think of the next one.  I feel I need to come out with some idea, as if someone is pushing me, Ironically we all want to finish pieces to start new ones. From: kcartwright 02/13/2008 13:42:22 Hi Eileen, I had to chuckle when I read your blog because it described the type of procrastination I'm guilty of many times over. Truth is, I find painting on large canvas much easier than on small. If you go to my gallery you'll see one painting that's sixteen feet long! It was so much fun to do, and  I had much greater control at that scale because I could use the full range of motion of my arm. Also ... I treat all my paintings as experiments rather than potential masterpieces. If they work, they work. If they don't they end up in the trash and I start over. Eliminating the notion that my work is sacred or precious prevents feelings of intimidation. I often picture a child going crazy with finger paints. No fear, just wild expression. Keep at it and it'll get good!! - Kathy From: SuzesStudio 02/13/2008 10:27:23 Do it!  Do it!  Go for it!  I have to say when I am surrounded by huge white canvas I get all gitty and excited!  Don't worry about making mistakes.  When you make mistakes that is when great things begin to happen!  Have fun!!!