Yea, I like the "Fear" book too.  Doing creative work sometimes feels like laying a path of tiles over the void.  It seems like it would be easier to land a job and just clock in.  But then I'd look over at all that green grass and feel like I sold out.  Kara said she just goes silent; perhaps she knows that the down times will pass like bad weather.  When money is tight it impinges on well being and higher functions seem to shut down, like the creative urge.

I will have to think about that painting you seem on the verge of making....perhaps you will, and you will finish!  Land that comfy job and become docile.  There is a movie based on Balzac's "Unfinished Masterpiece" I think it is called, "La Belle Noisette".  Get it if you can.  The artist searches for that image toward the end of his career, after a successful life of work. The movie is witness to his struggle.  It is better than the story, but the story would be cheaper to get.

I've struggled with the working full time and creating on the side all my life.  I finally went into a public school system where I at least have 2 months during the summer where all I do is play golf and create.  Wow.  Then it is a shock to my system to have to use my brain again.  But I also know a wonderful artist who has told me he wishes he was like me sometimes because he works 70 hours a week on his art and marketing and looking for every angle to bring in money to pay his bills. 

 A favorite book of mine is called Trust the Process by Shaun McNiff and he has a chapter on work and it has always helped me get a better perspective of the "other" work I do besides being an artist. 

 Anyway - love your work. 

Hang in there, J.  I feel your pain because you expressed something a whole lot of us deal with.  Keep plugging away because it will get easier as you get more experienced.

The trick is to find not only time to create, but time to market the creations.  It's the marketing that I'm lousy at and I'm apparently in good company.  The same chromosome that holds the art gene seems to repel the 'toot-ones-own-horn gene.  Art Calendar is a great publication for folks in this situation.  Keep hanging in there and stay brave.

-Marcia